It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
