woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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