she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did I show you my penis last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
