what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
