Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
