I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
