Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
