Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
