woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They took my balls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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