dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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