WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
