this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
