I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
