Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
