I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
