but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's get the cat blown out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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