think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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