i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize