My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wanna go halves on a baby?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
