why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
