Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
