Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
