do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
