Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
