i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
