Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
