Need sex. Gaining weight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
