he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
