omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
