my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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