someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
