my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
handjob tips. give me some.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
