I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
