i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize