She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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