walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
