I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
