Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
