Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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