We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize