4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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