Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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