Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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