i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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