okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
