I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
