I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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