im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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