id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
