youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You ruined the universe
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
