she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
