Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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