You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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