Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
