There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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