im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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