Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
