I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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