i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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