I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
