Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
