well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
